It’s Valentines Day; and all over the world, women will receive roses, chocolate and jewelry as an expression they are loved.  It’s wonderful stuff and great to receive.  We believe LOVE is a verb, and the way you know your mate loves you is by their actions.  It’s not the once a year display of roses or a nice gift at Christmas.  It is the everyday actions that indicate if they live as though they are in love with you.  It’s the little acts of kindness, displays of affection, kind words, compliments, doing things that make you happy, and giving you love the way you like to be loved.  It is taking initiative on a regular basis to show they are thinking about you.  If your answer is no, your mate’s actions do not show they are in love with you, then the next question is what do your actions show?  Do you initiate?  Do you do actively find ways to show your mate you are in love with them?  If not, what are you waiting for?  When one of you changes, you automatically change the relationship; so, make your love a verb and watch what happens.

Each week I get frantic calls from spouses trying as a last ditch effort to save their marriage; but often, it is too late.  Their spouse has already moved out or filed for divorce; and when asked if they knew their marriage was in trouble, they usually say yes.  They also say that they didn’t think their mate would actually go through with their threats.   At this point, we have an uphill battle to try to get their mate to consider “earning their way out” by attending our seminar or at least counseling; fortunately, we have fairly good success at getting their mate to work on it before just walking away.   What would work so much better is for couples to address the things that are not working and to do something about it.  If you find yourself whining about your mate or wishing things were better, then you have a red flag to take action.  Don’t settle for what you don’t want, but rather take action to create something that is a win-win for you both. 

Over the Christmas holiday, an event occured in my life that reinforced so deeply the importance of just being happy rather than fighting over who is right.  My parents who are in their 70’s collided with an eighteen wheeler and miraculously were NOT harmed!  Just before they had the accident, they were squabbling about Dad’s negative attitude about having to go to the wedding reception rather than staying home to watch the New England Patriots vs New York Giants football game.   The car wreck crystalized for me how much time we waste arguing and picking at each other because we have different opions,  unrealistic expectations or haven’t clearly communicated with our mate.  In the Relationship Rich Marriage Seminar, we emphasize that happiness is a personal choice.  Your mate can behave badly, but you don’t have to get mad or react with your own bad behavior.  You have a moment of choice where you can make a difference in the quality of your relationship and your own personal happiness.  Needless to say, learning how to break old habits of arguing or picking at each other isn’t easy.  It is a skill you have to learn and practice, but the results are amazing.  I picked up the wheel cover center from their car wreck, and I now have it displayed in my office as a visual reminder of my commitment in 2008 to choose actions or reactions that will create HAPPY.  Being right can make both of us miserable; and as the car wreck demonstrated, life is precious.