The real life of love is in action. Love is a verb. However, when you express your love in language, you are acting out your love in a way that partners get, pretty much immediately. When you say “I love you” with the right tone of voice and in the right timing, you can speak those words directly into the heart of your mate.

But what to do when the words won’t come?

Imagine handing your mate a greeting card. Your mate takes the card in hand, saying “What’s this?” You point to the card and say, “Just read it” Your mate slides a finger carefully under the flap, looking at you sideways, pulls out a card with a scenic picture on the front. Your mate opens the card, reads the words — words you have written in your own handwriting, not printed, handwritten — and tears well up. Your mate makes a slight noise, that little moan deep in the throat, and suddenly you are enveloped in a powerful hug.

Nice image?

How would you like cheat your way to that outcome? No magical language skills required. No genius talent for writing necessary. Less than 10 minutes needed standing at the greeting card rack. Practically guaranteed results.  Here’s a tip that works for even the most tongue-tied, non-romantic, can’t-ever-say-it-like-you-feel-it among us.

Step one. Find a blank card with a pretty picture on the front.

Step two. Find another card with some romantic text inside. Using the camera on your cell phone, take a picture of the romantic text. If your phone has no camera, call your voicemail number and read the text into a message you can pick up later on.

Step three. Put the romantic text card back in the rack. Purchase the blank card with the pretty picture.  (If you want to support card-writers and their publishers, purchase both, but don’t give your mate the card with the writing on it!  That works against you.  You can actually lose points by giving a card with printed words.)

Step four. Sitting in your car,  write your message into the blank card. Here’s the part where you have to use your own sense of personality and style. If the romantic text doesn’t sound like it could possibly have come from your mouth, just rephrase it. Substitute a word or two here and there, words that you would use, words that your mate would recognize as you. Add a sentence of your own, if you like. Sign your pet name.

Step five. Seal the card and deliver.  (If you purchased the printed card, make sure there is no way, absolutely no way, that it could end up in your mate’s hands.  You have been warned.)

Of course you can put your own sentiments inside the card. That’s the ideal, of course, and you can’t go wrong by writing something to the effect of the greatest gift that your mate brings into your life together, or a reason your mate deserves to be happy.

But when your own tongue gets tied around romantic sentiments, when you don’t have the soul of a poet or the gift of a bard to choose words that sing a soulful ballad, you’re not really stuck. There’s a whole industry waiting to provide you with resources for romance.

It might feel like cheating when you start, but it’s really more like practicing. It’s watching an expert and copying the expert’s moves. If you do this often enough, you will eventually get good at writing your own thoughts from scratch.

If your mate calls you out on the method, just say, “I’m practicing by imitating experts, because you deserve the absolute best!”

Mark Rogers, Ph.D.

It’s Valentines Day; and all over the world, women will receive roses, chocolate and jewelry as an expression they are loved.  It’s wonderful stuff and great to receive.  We believe LOVE is a verb, and the way you know your mate loves you is by their actions.  It’s not the once a year display of roses or a nice gift at Christmas.  It is the everyday actions that indicate if they live as though they are in love with you.  It’s the little acts of kindness, displays of affection, kind words, compliments, doing things that make you happy, and giving you love the way you like to be loved.  It is taking initiative on a regular basis to show they are thinking about you.  If your answer is no, your mate’s actions do not show they are in love with you, then the next question is what do your actions show?  Do you initiate?  Do you do actively find ways to show your mate you are in love with them?  If not, what are you waiting for?  When one of you changes, you automatically change the relationship; so, make your love a verb and watch what happens.