Do’s

1.

Do make it positive. You get more benefit from starting something new and good than from quitting something old and bad.

2.

Do make it personal. Start a new habit about something that touches your heart, not something that showed up on someone else’s list of good things to do.

3.

Do make it present tense. Compose your resolution so that it sounds as if you already are doing it, not that you will at some vague point in the future.

4.

Do make it solo. Choose resolutions that do not require your partner’s cooperation for success.

5.

Do make it doable. Better to choose something very small and practical — that you can accomplish — than something large and impossible.

Don’ts

1.

Don’t work in mine fields. Avoid resolutions about aspects of the relationship where conflict is constant. It’s too easy to mess up and make things worse.

2.

Don’t make ricochet resolutions. A ricochet resolution is one that you wish your partner would make, so you make it in hopes that they will. They won’t.

3.

Don’t go broad and general. Be specific, be small, be focused, think micro. That’s how you get real change.

4.

Don’t go overboard. Two or three resolutions are doable, 10 or 12 are guaranteed failure.

5.

Don’t give up. Think of your resolution as a learning opportunity, not a make or break fork in the road.