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Suppose you were listening to the radio, and you heard an announcer say over dramatic music, “There’s magic when you’re mad that can make everything… every single thing… better… immediately." Would you be interested?
Is it possible for you to imagine that there could be something that would instantly shift the energy when you're mad? Even when you're boiling, livid, seeing red, grinding your teeth mad?
Here’s what’s real: mad magic exists.
When you're in the middle of a screaming match, there’s magic that will calm things down.
When you're doing a slow burn, there’s magic that will release the tension without an explosion.
When your partner is raging, there’s magic that will smooth the waters.
When you and your partner are on the raw, ragged edge, there’s magic that will make things better.
Instantly, immediately.
No matter how high the intensity, no matter how loud the interaction, there is magic that will dial it down, directly.
Here’s the magic wand, the magic potion, the magic bean – someone says, “I’m listening.”
That’s it. Just that one little thing.
“I’m listening.”
All it takes to defuse a drama is for one person to stop the back-and-forth of hand grenades and say “I’m listening.”
When the volume goes up beyond the normal range of conversation, all it takes to dial it down is for you to shift your contribution from the volley across the net to saying, “I’m listening."
When you're practically blind with rage, if you will simply say, “I’m listening!”, instead of blasting out the next round of explosive invective, you will get a dramatically different result.
If you say “I’m listening", and then do it, you work magic on the madness.
You make it possible for your partner to ‘just talk’ instead of having to shout to be heard.
You make it possible for you to see another side of the issue, from your partner’s perspective, rather than insist that you are the only one entitled to be right.
You give your partner nothing to push against, nothing to overcome, nothing to resist, and then s/he can stop domineering.
When you say “I’m listening", and then you stay quiet for at least three sentences, your partner doesn’t have to keep hammering on the same point.
And you can holster your verbal sidearm as well.
Magic for the madness – just begin listening.
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